Bleeding Heart, Tortured Soul

Waking up feeling as though I have the flu each and every day is a complete and total mind fuck. I just spent the entire night riddled with pain. I"m screaming out in pain in the middle of the night in actual despair, and my screams are unheard, for I am alone. I awaken hour after hour. I toss. I turn. I can be found pacing through the house. I'm often praying to a God I feel I used to know. I pray for daylight with no idea of why. It pains me to think of what the day will bring...nausea? Can I feel my legs? Will they work? How lethargic will I be? Will I even be able to talk in the morning? I have all of this on my mind as I simultaneously immerse myself in sadness and guilt for feeling as though I have no purpose. No future. no point to my life. My heart is bleeding and my soul is tortured...as I feel the pain of a body that is my betrayer...